Saturday, April 21, 2007

Crush: The Story of My Life

Ahh, so it's ten minutes 'til 12:00 and I'm writing here to maintain my promise to myself that I would post everyday for 30 days. I'm a little torn here on writing about the crush. It bothers me that this blog is often all over the place (theme matters!), plus it's sort of over at this point<----(Ha! Wishful thinking!) or at least in serious limbo. One thing I didn't mention before, which I want to address tonight, was that this crush is married--thus his tragic nature.

You know for many years I thought myself superior 'cause I'd never been with a married man, much less had a crush on one, but then I realized that the truth was that I had never met one that I was all that attracted to.

And because I lack a moral compass (or possibly have the common sense of a jackass), once I did find myself attracted to an already-attached guy, as I am wont to do when I'm trying to solve a quandry, I started doing various Internet searches to see if there was a way I could make make such an affair okay. You know, reading the various stories of people who have cheated and what they had to say about the experience and whether it ended well or badly.

One thing I discovered is that having sex with people you are not married to is a MAJOR taboo, maybe even as big as sexual abuse of a child. And yet, it appears, many many people do cheat (as opposed to abuse their children). And the other thing I discovered is that almost always, it's the "other woman," who is viewed as far more vile than the cheating spouse. Not fair, but hey, no big surprise there. As many people think cheaters are the scum of the earth, there are also many who don't think stepping out of the marriage is all that big of a deal.

So in the midst of trying to find the elusive loophole, it finally dawned on me that this isn't about the crush, it's about me (lol-just like A-Rod, it always comes down to me!) and what I believe might be my life's test, which is to find a way to stop jumping into relationships that are full of red flags from the get go. I swear though it's like cigarettes (one of which I smoked last night) in that from time-to-time, the potential for a dark form of seduction is oh-so appealing to me.


Al Rogers said...

Darling, this is easy; if it doesn’t bother Hillary, then it shouldn’t bother you!

Lois said...

Ha--it's either really easy or incredibly complicated. The catch is, you can't predict which one it's gonna be!